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A GUN TO THE TEMPLE

Despair and regret are powerful emotions.

6/9/2020 | Roger Burnett, CAS, The Burn

Despair and regret are powerful emotions. 

Your perspective largely depends on where you are on the two sides of the despair/regret coin and the associated circumstances found on each side.

Americans are experiencing an explosion in regret right now – all the while, those simultaneously expressing despair have done so right in front of our eyes. We watch their stories on TV and shake our heads in disbelief that something like that could happen. Again. And Again. Yet, most of us haven't been motivated to participate in any discussions directed at fixing the reasons behind this particular problem. 

How can a situation unravel so quickly that there's zero chance to survive the moment?  Most of us can't appreciate what that's like, because, for the average American, that's never happened to us in our lifetime. Not once. It's so unlikely that it's not even a part of any of our consideration. We sit happily atop Mazlow’s hierarchy and ponder our place in life, while those with considerably less than us miss out on that same opportunity. 

Considering your potential greatness takes a back seat when you're not sure you can get home safely from school. It's hard to concentrate in class when you were up all night worried that something terrible was going to happen to you while you were home all alone while Mom was at work, petrified as you watch would-be thieves trying the handle to the back door.

More than one neighborhood friend of mine slept with a loaded pistol under their pillow and a mental escape plan if someone found their way into the house.  Despair and a feeling like there was no escape from these circumstances were like books I carried in my backpack every day. 

I was 17. He was 13. He’d terrorized everyone in the neighborhood for months, the unfortunate consequence of an older member of his family reaching a new level of importance in the neighborhood gang. The .45 in his belt was the spoils of their new familial significance in the hierarchy. Imagine this immature, power-hungry, out of control young man drunk on the idea that he now possessed a deadly power over the rest of us. A power wielded gleefully in the form of posturing, threats, and an increasingly dangerous set of baseless confrontations on a nearly daily basis.  

I didn't have time to realize what was happening. It was as if he somehow leaped from his bike straight to my side. The result? A gun to my temple.

There's not a lot of time to think when you're within a hair's breadth of taking a bullet to the head.

My hands never left my pocket. The tone of my voice was cautious but measured. In that moment, my only job was to make sure I offered no reason to finish what he intended to do. Any sign of aggression would certainly trigger his heightened emotional state. A verbal attempt to control his behavior would only escalate what was surely a diminished capacity to think clearly, and I hadn't learned any self-defense moves to disarm someone. Worst yet, if I showed a moment of weakness, he'd likely attack the chance to expose my fear to his benefit, not only in the moment but likely for whatever future I might have should I survive. 

Frankly, I was out of options and petrified.

Clearly, I'm still here. But as I write this, my heart is pounding in my chest, and my palms are sweating. In many ways, it's as if I've never really forgotten the terror I felt at that moment. It's like the fear I felt every day walking home from school, the uncertainty of whether today was going to be my turn, if tomorrow I might find out something or someone had finally pushed this deadly play to its conclusion.  The feeling has never left me. Despair is a powerful emotion.

I have no more answers than anyone right now on how to fix a society burning itself down. What I do know is that its time to do something.

I've always been a man of action, and this more than any other time is a time for work, for compassion, for all of us to figure out a better way. Not agreeing about taxes or getting rid of Obamacare shouldn't push us to fight one another in the streets. We have to stop demonizing those who don't believe what we do. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated into being fearful of one another. I grew up all 18 of my childhood years in a mostly black neighborhood. From that experience,  I can tell you that regardless of skin color, people are the same. It's largely our circumstances and ability to believe in ourselves that predicate how far in life we can get but make no mistake, being white is a massive advantage.

I'm part of a tribe of people using their businesses as super-powers for social good, and it's clear to me that there is a tremendous unmet need to fill the enormous voids we can so clearly see in our proud society. Everyone involved with Social Good Promotions is engaged in conversations, educating ourselves to be more aware of what our presence in the world can mean both personally and professionally. I'm hopeful that our efforts won't stand on their own, and that more people will decide to do the same.   

One of the people I most admire, Superior Ink Printing Founder and AllMade Apparel co-founder Dominic Rosacci said it best when he said: 

"When people make a conscious effort to create change, beautiful things happen. When businesses decide to create change, movements happen."

I’m part of a movement. Join me if you’re inspired. Don’t let regret over not having tried to relieve the despair that others are so clearly experiencing be the emotion that hangs over you as you look back on this time in each of our lives. 

The final act of the play: there were two instances of gun violence in my neighborhood in an 18-month window that saw two boys lose their lives much too soon. While it's not fair to either of their memories to try to make a tidy ending for you the reader, know that the particular kind of bullying that goes on when a weapon is involved almost always ends tragically. This was one of those times. The way the story ended was especially tragic, as neither was the villain vanquished nor the hero celebrated as the story drew to a close. 

I hope you find your way to support building bridges to those you do not yet understand. I'll see you on that same journey.

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