The very first time I heard the expression “First World Problem” was back in early 2012. I know exactly where I was and with whom.
One of my better, larger accounts was hosting its semi-annual pat-themselves-on-the-back dinner at an incredibly gorgeous venue in Boston. Stoked with history, it had a magnificent view of the Harbor (feel free to read that with the obligatory Boston accent), and the dining options consisted of everything New England.
This is not the time nor place for my famous New England clam chowder story. Some of you may be eating while you’re reading this. I’ll share that another time.
Back to the dinner in question. Although buffet style, it still featured an incredible spread. My dining companion that evening was one Paul Bellantone, the president and CEO of PPAI, our industry’s trade association. Although well-dressed for the occasion, he and I made our way to the offerings and filled our plates like the New York gavones we are. Included were a couple of lobsters (no, not for each of us).
We sat back down and began to grasp the enormity of what was before us. And by that, I mean “eat.” I don’t remember specifically in what order I attacked my plate… I just know at what point our dinner took a bad turn.
I applied the provided (and oddly unimprinted) nutcracker to the lobster. It proceeded to spray juices and meat. Seemingly, Paul had a bulls-eye on his ensemble for the evening, as he seemed to be in the direct path of the debris.
What a mess! I was mortified. I apologized profusely to my friend as I helped him clean up. He looked at me and smiled in that “this is why I’m a leader” way and simply said, “First World Problem.”
And it was. And I got it.
As I write this, we are one week removed from the Academy Awards presentations, an over-the-top orgy (wait… aren’t all orgies over-the-top? Not that I’ve ever been to one, but I’d hate to attend a sedate orgy.) of self-congratulation and importance. That I might have seen two theatrical showings in all of 2015 is possibly an overstatement. It also means that I may no longer be Hollywood’s target audience. Nevertheless...
All these tinsel-town swells show up for the ceremonies, in their non-rental tuxedos, often loaned jewelry and designer gowns, and their likely-rental limousines, sit through three-plus hours of presentations, and then go off to Elton John’s private party, or the Vanity Fair soiree, or some other event that doesn’t resemble hitting the Sheepshead Bay Diner at 2 a.m., and continue to party on and not give a damn about whether or not they have enough cash in their wallets to pay the babysitter when they get home.
(I may have to go through 20 years of past columns. That might have been the longest run-on sentence I’ve ever written.)
As if all of this ostentatiousness wasn’t enough, each winner and each presenter was given a swag bag (their term, never mine) valued at $230,000. Using the phrasing of Ad Week, that’s “$230,000. Per bag. Per person.”
In my time, I have attended many events and have been given my share of post-event gift bags, loaded with useful and fun items. I somehow suspect that the bags given at the Oscar ceremonies weren’t from Bag Makers, and didn’t contain an imprinted water bottle and novelty sunglasses. All totaled, I would guess that all of the gift bags I’ve received over the years didn’t contain one-tenth of that amount (I’ll wait for you to do the math).
According to Ad Week, the Academy Award gift bags included the following.
• Chapstick worth $6
• A vaporizer worth $25
• Slimware plates valued at $30
• Joseph’s Toiletries toilet paper, priced at $275
• Personalized M&Ms for $300
• Laser treatments for $5,500
• Audi car rentals for a year, valued at $45,000
• And then there’s a $1,900 Vampire breast lift treatment, which uses a woman’s own blood to improve skin appearance and softness.
• Plus a $55,000, 10-day, first-class trip to Tel Aviv, Israel, courtesy of the Israeli Ministry of Tourism.
What bad-ass Walgreen’s has Chapstik for $6? I haven’t purchased lip-balm in years, as there’s always another one attached to my badge every time I attend another trade show. I can promise you that Snugz would offer some sort of EQP deal for the Academy.
And toilet paper, valued at $275? Are they aware what it’s used for?
Staying in the world of celebrity, legend has it that F. Scott Fitzgerald once said to Ernest Hemingway that, “the rich are different from you and me.” Hemingway’s response: “Yes. They’ve got more money.”
Talk about your First World Problems.
Mike Schenker, MAS, is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.