Two months and (seemingly) 43 years ago, our lives were turned upside down by the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m not going to waste time (yours or mine) by documenting how life has changed since March 16th of this year as you’ve undoubtedly seen your share of news, task-force updates, and an endless parade of statistics. As I find myself increasingly accustomed to sheltering in place, I sometimes silently wonder how everything became unglued so quickly. While advertisers continue to tell us, “we are all in this together,” I also know each of us has our own story because this catastrophe has exacted its toll on an individual, not group basis. I am no exception.
Professionally, tough decisions were made to close our office in Franklin, TN, and, more importantly, lay off key personnel who also happen to be great people. The office closure has meant working from home again and adjusting to all of the complications and diversions that characterize that: coexisting with people 24 hours a day without committing a felony, avoiding the ostensibly endless supply of Pringles, and undertaking the production of live video content daily. This is all done while trying to navigate the changes in the business landscape and what they mean to a small business.
Personally, I’ve had to watch the dreams of my 17-year-old twin boys put on indefinite hiatus as college visits and, ultimately, high school classes were canceled. I’ve seen my wife – who also happens to be a Speech-Language Pathologist in our local school district – forced to try and service over 60 elementary school kids remotely while knowing full well many of them will regress. It’s moved her to tears more than a few times because she cares so much. All three of them are going through their own pandemic story, and there is little I can do to make it easier. For those of you who know me – I mean REALLY know me – you understand how this completely guts me.
Through it all, I’ve tried to keep a brave face or a “stiff upper lip” as my British friends might say. Most of the time, I’m able to do exactly that – stay positive, look forward, count my blessings, and so on. However, there are times where it’s all overwhelming to me, and I struggle with what today holds, let alone tomorrow or next year. I’m finding that I seem to be handling the big things better than the little things. For example, one of my boys (Drew) casually mentioned the other day without breaking stride as he left the room that he wonders if he will have a traditional senior year in high school. My response was silent but telling: I sat there and cried. One of the rites of passage that I – we – have taken for granted might be taken away from him and millions around the world.
Sitting there, fighting back the tears, I couldn’t help but feel as if I was letting my family down because my emotions got the better of me. So much for the strong man, husband, and father I am trying to be…. I am supposed to be. I think the lyrics of the song “My Brave Face” from Paul McCartney sum up exactly how I find myself feeling at least once a day during this pandemic:
“I can’t stop breaking down again
The simplest things set me off again
And take me to that place
Where I can’t find my brave face.”
While it was only about five minutes, it felt like I sat there for hours in defeated silence as my internal shame of being so feeble swallowed my soul. I took a deep breath and stood up as I tried to gather myself to do a live podcast that I wasn’t really in the mood to do. As I walked into my home office, I heard Drew coming down the stairs. He saw my reddened face as I was closing the door, and he knew I was upset. Without missing a beat, he said in his ever-optimistic tone, “have a great podcast, dad. Just have fun like you always do.”
While I was trying to figure out how to show strength to my family, my 17-year-old son taught me exactly how to do it: to just be myself.
I’ve tried too hard to be brave, to be stoic, and to be valiant in the face of the unknown of the pandemic. In working so hard to be strong, I’ve really been weak because I haven’t been myself. That’s not fair to my family, my friends, or even me. After that interaction with Drew, I decided there is far more strength in being candid, transparent, and, frankly, human during this time of uncertainty.
I’m continually anxious because I don’t know what the future will bring for anyone. I’m confused at the contradictory information that seems to come out daily, if not hourly. At times, I’m discouraged by the darkness in humanity I see while other times I’m inspired by so many beautiful acts of kindness. I’m stir crazy and want the government leash off me, but I’m also fearful that if things open up too soon, many more people will die. I’m encouraged by the unabashed optimism of my children who seem to understand better than I can grasp that this too shall pass.
In the end, maybe the bravest face of all is the one we all try to hide from others. I, for one, will no longer hide my true face - brave or not - from my family or friends as I believe it to be far better to share the mixture of emotions I feel than simply be an emotionless automaton trying to be someone I’m not capable of being.
Bill is president of PromoCorner, a digital marketing, media, and advertising agency, and has over 20 years working in executive leadership positions at leading promotional products distributorships. A featured speaker at numerous industry events, a serial creator of content marketing, and immediate past president of the Regional Association Council (RAC) board, Bill has extensive experience coaching sales teams, creating successful marketing campaigns, and developing branding that resonates with a target audience. He can be reached at bill@promocorner.com.