You Can’t Hide Your Lyin’ Eyes

Yesterday, the Trophy Wife and I were invited to a free dinner.  In addition, we were offered a $250 shopping gift card.  You’d think my parents wouldn’t have to try so hard to get us to visit.

The fact of the matter is that we got a solicitation in the mail, inviting us to a free dinner for two.  The last time we got something similar to this (a free weekend in Atlantic City…back when that meant something), we ended up buying a timeshare.  Guess where this is going…

Here’s the way it played out: this solicitation was on the table when we sat down for dinner.  Because I didn’t have my glasses with me (I can eat blindfolded, so that’s never an issue), I really couldn’t read the mailing too well.  I saw “free meal” quite clearly, but the rest looked like squiggly lines.  No recognizable logos (in our world, logos are everything!).  No clues otherwise.

I read it as best I could, but nowhere did I see from whom it came.  I couldn’t make out a website, or a name, or anything that might have helped the squinting impaired.  Eh…I’ll get my glasses after dinner and look closer.

Upon further examination, I was able to verify what I thought I’d seen.  That is, nothing.  Nowhere

This was, in fact, just the opposite from a timeshare sales pitch.  It was from a company that wants to “help” sell unwanted timeshares (excuse me, but aren’t they all?).  Come for dinner, sit through a presentation, and learn how to ‘gracefully exit your situation’.

Call me suspicious (what, who me?), but the whole thing smelled funny.  No company name, no restaurant name, no dates…nothing more than a very slick-looking mailer featuring a phone number shown one time.

Now I’m no brilliant internet sleuth, but it doesn’t take a genius to fire up the ol’ Google machine and plug in whatever data is provided.  In this case, the aforementioned phone number brought up one company, with several locations based in and around St. Louis, all offering services ranging from buying unused timeshares, “helping” to sell unwanted ones, or flat-out agents selling new timeshares to the unsuspecting imbeciles out there who aren’t aware that these things are just bogus wastes of money.  Further drilling down showed that each of these companies had a long list of complaints with the Better Business Bureau…not that that’s relevant, but I just like being proven that I’m right.

And that’s the whole point here (I know you were wondering)…I was right that this thing just seemed so wrong.  They weren’t trying to “help” consumers…they were lying about their intent in an effort to continue to scam money. 

That their mailer showed no names, no logos, no websites…I knew it was a fraud.  Was what they were doing illegal?  Probably not…if they could afford such a random mailing, and have so many different offices selling different yet similar services, I can assume they can also afford to have a lawyer look at their promotion and make sure they’re not blatantly going over the line.

But they are lying.  They’re not here to help…they’re here to take your money.  Assuming that their marketing piece was not illegal, it was certainly unethical. 

While many of my senses have dulled with advancing age, my BS detector has simply become sharper and more attuned.  But what about you and your business?  Are you walking that same fine line, or have you completely obliterated it in search of the almighty profit?  Let me know if anything of this sounds familiar:

• If you’re featuring some new product or service that can’t be explained in the copy, but will require an in-person presentation, you’re misleading.

• If you’re mentioning all sorts of reviews and accolades without backing them up, how do I know that your brother-in-law didn’t write them?

• If all you can say is “trust me” during a presentation, I can promise you that I won’t.  I may, however, tell you a great “trust me” joke, but only once I’ve shot you down.

• If you give me an incomplete or vague answer to a direct question, what else are you keeping from me?

What’s the old line?  “If you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit”.  Sorry…I ain’t buying.

No free meal is worth the money.