Help Me If You Can

If you’re anything like me (and I don’t wish that on anyone), you might have problems asking for help.  A ride to the airport.  Directions.  Move furniture.  Bail money (I told you that you don’t want to be like me).

We (or at least I, and that’s what matters in my columns) don’t want to bother others.  Ask a favor…be a burden.  You get my drift.

Asking for help is a whole ‘nother issue.  It can be construed as a sign of weakness.  I’ve certainly been on both sides of that equation, so I know of what I speak.  No…not that I judge someone as weak if they ask for help.  I offer that willingly and readily.  I only judge you if you’re a Yankees fan.

And yeah…that’s always been my nature, to the point of being annoying (just ask the Trophy Wife).  I can’t help it…it’s a Schenker thing.  At the risk of alienating a specific segment of my readership (that’s right…both of you), helpfulness was once explained to me in this way:

Residents of a certain, unnamed state (there…that’ll cover my ass) appear on the surface to be helpful and friendly and all that stuff but, if you scratch that surface, they can be cold and distant.  On the other hand, we New Yorkers can seem to be brusque, and blunt, and to the point but, if you scratch the surface, we’ll give you the shirt off our back.  Please note: this was explained to me by a former resident of that certain, unnamed state.

I bring all of this up as I just completed a text exchange with a business associate I don’t know particularly well, but from whom I needed a favor.  In that we’re not close, I felt funny asking him for help in the first place, but I suspected that he could help me get through something.

And he did.  And I’m glad.  And I thanked him profusely…going so far as to tell him he’s my new best friend.  I’m hoping this doesn’t mean that I have to take him to the airport.  In that he doesn’t know me well at all (he’s not likely to have ever read my columns), I don’t know how he’ll react to this new level in our relationship.  He has yet to reply to that comment, so he might just have some concerns.

Reality has a funny way of reminding us that we’ve all had our share of challenges.  Mister Rogers’ mother instilled in him that he should always “Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.”.  On the other hand, it’s said that the Lord helps those who help themselves.  Who am I to argue with the Lord and/or Mr. Rogers’ mother?

If my ongoing reality has taught me anything (and that is, of course, always open to debate), it’s that I can best rely on myself.  I may not make the right choices (file that under “Big duh!”), but they’re mine.  I may not be my own best choice for help, but I know with whom I’m dealing.

But I can’t do it all by myself.  Asking for an assist from that fairly new acquaintance of mine was a big step.  I didn’t think I knew him well enough to request the favor, but in doing so I have opened the door getting closer to him and knowing him better.  That he has shown that he can be a helpful and considerate person is a very good indication that I could get to like him.

Getting to know and like myself is an ongoing issue.  It’s a work in progress.  If it isn’t for you, you’re either delusional or a liar.  As both, I can spot it in others.

I’m not one for daily affirmations.  To me they’re right up there with New Years resolutions: they set us up for disappointment.  However, I do pause long enough to consider just who I want to be.  Or appear to be.  Not the one who can present a list of accomplishments and failures for public consumption, but who can be in the moment.  When called upon.  To drive you to the airport or otherwise.  Am I the type of person who can do that without expectations?  It doesn’t matter that I think I am.  What matters is what you think.

As I said, it’s an ongoing process.  If I want to give a good impression, I recognize that I have to believe my own line of bull.  If I want you to like me, I have to think about whether I like me.

What about our customers?  Vendors?  I know I’ve mentioned this before, but there are some promotional industry companies with whom I’ve refused to work or partner due to the public persona of one or more parties.  What are your customers thinking about you?  Do you see room for improvement?  Trust me: there’s always room for improvement.  Or was that Jell-O?

Want to make some changes?  Start small…work your way up.  Laugh more.  Loudly.  At yourself, too.  Be kind.  Kind-er.  Do that favor for someone you don’t know that well.  Do yourself those favors, too.  Do the things you’ve always said you were going to do.  Even if you’d only promised yourself.

And accept the fact that, once you think you’re on the right path, plot twist (see last month's blog about that: Shake it Up).  Stuff happens.  Roll with it.  And yeah…ask for help.  For what it’s worth, my door is always open.

That’s who I am…or at least want to be.  Ultimately, I guess I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.

Mike Schenker, MAS, is “all that” at Mike Schenker, Consulting, where he assists businesses entering the promotional products industry, mentors professionals, and offers association management.  He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.