I Need To Get Out More Often

Thanks to “Facebook Memories”, I am able to relive events that happened one, five, ten years ago on this date. You’ve seen posts about those. For me, one of the biggest takeaways is that the rare photo of me shows some guy with dark hair. The grimace is somewhat familiar, but I’m otherwise having problems placing that person. Oh…and there’s no mention of my granddaughter, who seemingly clogs my feed now on a regular basis.

Her (eventual) parents do show up from time to time, and it is kinda fun to remember the good times we had with and without them, and certainly without that little ray of sunshine.  

But having gone through some recent “memories”, I came upon a trip that the Trophy Grandmother and I took to the UK and France a few years back. From what I can remember, this is often referred to as “vacation” (or “holiday”, to my overseas friends). Aside from the occasional trip, the extent of my travel is usually confined to being in and out of the car, airport, hotel, convention center…few and far between are the opportunities to really enjoy whatever loci in which we might happen to be. This ain’t leisure travel.

As such, it was fun remembering this one trip in particular. Sure…I’ve since had others, with and without family, but judging from my “Memories” and my memories, this trip was chock full of promotional product references.

I remember that, shortly after we landed in London, I encountered my first piece of (obnoxiously) repetitive logoed merchandise: a New York Yankees cap. If you know anything at all about me, you know of my dislike for this baseball team. So it was with great disappointment, and a touch of nausea, that I had to see that ubiquitous NY logo so soon after our arrival. And then…again. And again.

Early on during our trip, I was actually keeping track of the number of times I saw the Yankees logo. After a while, it became more work and effort than I wanted to expend as, allegedly, I was there to have a good time. I was there to see the sights and, instead, I kept seeing the Yankees logo! It simply amazed me: the reach of this American baseball team, all the way to France. Certainly, some of the people I’d encountered were tourists…many of whom were NOT from the United States…but so many of the locals in both London and Paris were also decked out in their Yankees garb. Despite my distaste for the team in question, I have to give credit to them for creating such a global brand.

For those of you keeping score at home, I will share this observation: while traveling abroad, I saw any number Dodgers caps, Red Sox caps, maybe a Diamondbacks cap, even a Pirates cap…probably some others, too. All the other teams combined couldn’t have matched the number of exposures I had to the Yankees logo. For the record, I didn’t see a single Mets cap. Even in the mirror. Guilty as charged.

Since we were allegedly doing the tourist thing in London, we ventured over to that Mecca of retail: Harrods. This is an upscale department store, famous for being famous. Maybe it’s the Kardashian of all department stores. Or the Bill Petrie. Nevertheless, it was something we wanted to experience.

There, we had a gourmet lunch…at a counter (caviar for the Trophy Wife, smoked salmon for me). We then wandered the store with no set agenda (hey…we were on holiday!) and enjoyed looking at anything and everything for which we had no actual use. One thing we did want was some sort of souvenir from this store (full disclosure: we’re horrible tourists who really don’t like to accumulate treasures from our travels), and had one specifically in mind.

For her birthday, our son had (then) recently bought his inevitable bride (hell…WE knew it would happen…he was just a little slow) a Keuring coffee maker (you think I’m the only crazy romantic in our family?). As such, we thought she might appreciate a new mug to use with this device, so we set off to the food department (where we expected to find coffee and tea) to get her a logoed mug. Swing and a miss. We then went to the housewares department. Strike two. We then (brace yourselves)…asked for help, and were directed to the Harrods Shop. Brilliant! There, we expected to find the obligatory few dozen items suitable for gifting.

Instead, we found a department which encompassed nearly half of one level of this huge store. Harrods-branded merchandise as far as the eye could see. Yes, we found the coffee mug for which we came, but also saw logoed pens, watches, plates, stuffed animals, mobile phone covers, clothing, purses…it resembled a (HUGE) distributor’s showroom, with a decidedly much better accent.

We purchased the mug for our young lady, having failed to find anything suitable for our own child. For him, we ended up in a random, touristy souvenir shop across the street from Harrods, not unlike what you’d find at an airport or Times Square. There, we bought him a Mr. Bean t-shirt. (Licensed products work for this column, too.)

According to my notes about the trip, we were traveling right after the release of a report chastising Abercrombie and Fitch. The irony was that, for all of the (Damn) Yankees merchandise we encountered, it was outnumbered by A&F logoed apparel in both England and France. The report to which I refer stated that, back in 2006, that company’s CEO said that their store was aimed at the “attractive all-American kid” and that others “don’t belong (in their clothes)”. Even though this was a few years later, this was fresh news at the time of our trip, with quite a bit of backlash back in the States, yet in both of the countries we visited, we saw so many people sporting their brand. In my opinion, most of the people we saw were not particularly attractive, with many of them straining the seams of their “designer” clothing, and not a concern that they weren’t pretty enough for this line of schmatas.

To me, this was another example of brilliant branding. Convince people that they’re attractive enough to wear your brand…make them part of some sort of exclusive club…one they could only join if they were tall, thin, pretty…and had access to the nearest mall.

Let there be no doubt: both the Trophy Wife and I are remarkably good-looking, and would be readily welcomed into any Attractive People Only club. But to me, this was a case of where branding has backfired. As qualified as we might be to wear those clothes, I’m reminded of a line by Groucho, who wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have him as a member. Count us out, too.