Call it a gift or call it a curse, I don’t like to say “no.” At my core, I’m wired to be a people-pleaser which makes it difficult to tell people I can’t do something when asked. To further compound the issue, I have spent the majority of my business life in sales and marketing, where saying “no” to the customer is tantamount to committing some sort of professional treason. Time and again, I’ve had managers drill into me that clients don’t like the word “no” and, if they hear that dreaded two-letter word, they will scurry to the competition. Oh, the humanity!
Candidly, my struggle to say “no” hasn’t really been an issue…until it became an issue this October. I’d love to blame some nefarious outside force, a scheduling snafu, or a crisis that couldn’t be avoided. Unfortunately, the blame lies squarely on the author of this blog post: me.
Over the past four years, I’ve done my fair share of speaking both in and outside the industry. It’s been invaluable not only building my personal brand, but also the brand of PromoCorner. Getting in front of people has allowed me to share the great work we do at PromoCorner and how we can help them market their individual businesses – and I’m proud of that work. According to the feedback I get, the information I share is relevant, actionable, engaging, and helpful.
Earlier this year, I was asked to speak at skucamp – a three-day intensive retreat put on by the good people at commonsku. I was honored to be invited so, of course, I eagerly said yes. Over the course of the spring and summer, I was asked to present at a Promotional Products Association of the Southwest (PPAS) event and Leadership Development Workshop (LDW), both of which would be in Dallas, albeit different weeks. I was also asked to speak at a Sunbelt Promotional Products Association (SPPA) show and at a conference for screen printers called ShirtLab.
Sounds great, right? Well, it sounded great to me until I realized all of the above would be taking place within a one-month period. To further compound the schedule, of the six presentations I would be giving, only one of them would be a duplicate which meant that several new decks had to be developed from scratch. To put it in perspective, this is what October 2018 has been for me:
October 1 – 3: skucamp – New Orleans, LA
October 8 – 10: PPAS – Dallas, TX
October 15 – 17: LDW – Dallas, TX
October 18: Drive a car from Dallas, TX to Nashville, TN (a birthday gift to our twin 16-year-old boys)
October 24 – 25: SPPA – Pensacola, FL
October 26 – 28: ShirtLab – Columbus, OH
I knew going into October that it would be a challenging month. However, as I write this from the Pensacola airport waiting to head back to Nashville tonight before getting on a plane to Columbus tomorrow morning, I realize I had no idea the impact my inability to say no would have. In short, I’m exhausted, overextended, slightly cranky, and, hardest to admit, ineffective both personally and professionally. The worst part is that I have no one to blame but the person looking at me in the mirror every morning. So, I can sit here and feel sorry for myself or take a good, hard look at what led to the current situation and make the necessary adjustments, so it won’t happen again. It likely won’t surprise you that I am choosing the latter.
Moving forward, I plan to say no a lot more often. Not because I can say no, because I need to say no. As I’ve ironically counseled people for years, "no" is freeing, "no" is empowering, and, most importantly, "no" creates the boundaries necessary to be truly effective. Much like a salesperson who eagerly says yes to every opportunity to the detriment of the organization, I need to say no so that I can continue my primary focus on the internal and external customers of PromoCorner. In other words, it's time I take my own advice.
After some introspection, I realized my primary reason for saying “yes” is that I hate disappointing people. What I’ve come to grasp is that I’m not responsible for anyone else’s reaction. Of course, I still want to be liked – after all, I am in sales. However, I can’t allow my desire to keep others happy negatively impact me or the people, both personally and professionally, I care about.
The people-pleasing aspect of my personality will always hate saying “no.” However, there is now a part of me that recognizes the importance of breaking that habit and that I will be a much stronger person, more effective business partner, and a better human because of it.
I think I’ve finally learned that saying no to others is really saying yes to myself.
Bill is president of PromoCorner, the leading digital marketing service provider to the promotional products industry, and has over 17 years working in executive leadership positions at leading promotional products distributorships. A featured speaker at numerous industry events, a serial creator of content marketing, immediate past president of the Promotional Products Association of the Mid-South (PPAMS), vice president of the Regional Association Council (RAC) board, and PromoKitchen chef, Bill has extensive experience coaching sales teams, creating successful marketing campaigns, and developing branding that resonates with a target audience. He can be reached at bill@PromoCorner.com.