Just a Little of that Human Touch

While the title of this month’s column is lifted from a Bruce Springsteen song, I’ll nonetheless open with a reference to the criminally under-appreciated Kris Kristofferson.  In his song “The Pilgrim – Chapter 33”, he wrote the following lyrics which have stuck with me since I first heard them:

“He’s a walkin’ contradiction,

Partly truth and partly fiction,

Takin’ ev’ry wrong direction on his lonely way back home”

Please don’t read anything more into that than is actually there.  I just love that first line about being a ‘walkin’ contradiction’, as I think that many of us can relate to it to some extent.  At least those of us who are honest with ourselves. Oh, the curse of the self-aware.

I bring this up as I find that line relating to something else in my life.  On the one hand, it’s no secret that I have become more and more curmudgeonly.  On the other hand, no…that pretty much sums it up.  I could finish this column by just shouting “Stay off my lawn” and that would be that.  But no…I have the silly sense of obligation to wrap it up (although many of you readers are probably questioning if or when it even started).  And by the way: yes…I’ve always been this cranky.

The actual contradiction may be that, while I profess to be an anti-social person who embraces his alone time, I also welcome/NEED some direct human interaction from time to time.  So when I do crawl out of my bunker, it disappoints me that there are fewer opportunities left for me in which I can interact. 

For the sake of discussion (or this column, for that matter), let’s say that my first venture out of the house is to the supermarket.  I gather my items and go to check out, only to see that many of the cashiers are gone and have been replaced by self-check out lines…where I also get the privilege of bagging my own groceries.  So I’ve now done the work of at least one human (a cashier) and possibly a second (a bagger)…and I still get to pay the same prices as someone who did find an actual staffed lane. What am I not understanding here?

I’ve seen this concept in foreign cities and airports, and apparently it hit New York City when I wasn’t looking: there is a growing trend for retail stores, like neighborhood groceries or bodegas, to no longer accept cash.  You either have to pay via credit/debit card, or by whatever payment app you might have on your phone.  The last I heard, lawmakers in New York are trying to ban such a practice as it discriminates against those who don’t have bank accounts.  They will instead have ATM-like machines in which you insert your cash for X-amount on an instore debit card, and pay with that. Does this practice seem illogical to anyone else?

And what about ATMs in general?  The Trophy Wife tells the story about not going to our usual bank branch but finding another in her travels.  She went in, only to determine that all they had were ATMs. They did have staff on-sight, but only to direct you to and help you with the ATMs.  All she wanted to do was cash a check, but she was unable to at that branch because we both eschew debit cards.

I’m sure you’ve read about how germ-infested touchscreens are.  I won’t get into the stories of the fecal matter found on every McDonalds public computer display.  Oh…maybe I just did. Sorry.

I’ll own up to this one: I’m quite okay with cashless tolls.  What I resent is having to pay a surcharge every time I go through one without having the proper payment system in my rental car.  Paying a $15 fee each time, on top of, let’s say a $1 toll, multiplied by several tolls along the route (I’m looking at you, Garden State Parkway), is highway robbery (sorry…couldn’t resist).

How does all of this relate to you and your business?  How about voice prompts on your phone system? It used to be that if you wanted to avoid all the prompts, you didn’t respond to any when instructed (remember “If you don’t have a touchtone phone, please stay on the line”?).  Instead your customers can now get caught up in a phone prompt idiot loop, only to ultimately press zero for an operator (and often have to leave a message there, too!).

Is your business guilty of that?  What about you as an individual? I lost out on a speaking gig a couple of years ago because my contact was notorious for never answering the phone and, when I went to leave a message…the mailbox was full.  Every time.  

I will admit that I can get angry when I automatically dial into a voice prompt loop when I call a business.  I keep pressing the # button just to stay awake, even though I know that it accomplishes nothing. And while I realize that yelling and cursing at the prompts serve no purpose whatsoever, at least I find it cathartic.

Press 2 to end this column.

Mike Schenker, MAS, is “all that” at Mike Schenker, Consulting, where he assists businesses entering the promotional products industry, mentors professionals, and offers association management.  He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.